I was talking to a client the other day and she was saying that she is feeling pulled to “just BE right now. Not to DO.”
And, it reminded me of this conversation I had in 2019 when I was in Corvallis, Oregon for Jenny Shih’s Make It Work Online Live Retreat.
The conversation was about a typical mindset that most of us were raised to follow.
The Have-Be-Do Mindset.
When you have the HAVE-DO-BE mindset, you’re thought process may go like this:
“When I HAVE __________ (fill in the blank with what you’re looking for. For example: “enough money” or “a partner and kids and the house with a picket fence”, or some material thing, etc)
“I’ll get to do what I want to DO (take a long vacation or buy a boat or volunteer at a food bank)
“and then I’ll BE _________ (how you want to feel. For example, “happy” or “successful”, etc)
But that mindset puts us in a waiting spiral. And, we show up in the world with an energy of lack, of need, of fear that you’ll never get to BE because you’ll never HAVE that first thing.
And, if you do get to achieve the feeling you’re were striving for, you end up back at square one with a new HAVE you want to acquire so you can keep feeling happy or successful or whatever.
Last year, when we were having this conversation, at a brewery over fish tacos and gluten-free beer, we were talking about how much more expansive and rewarding life feels when this mindset is flipped.
You get to start with being happy!
Then, whatever you do, it’ll feel like you already have everything you need.
Changing your mindset isn’t as easy as flipping a light switch on or off.
It’s more like dimmer switch – sometimes, you can sit in the brightness of the new thought pattern, sometimes the old habits creep in, and often times, you’re somewhere in the middle.
But, the more you practice, the easier it is to show up on the lighter side – the BE-DO-HAVE side – of the spectrum.
One of the things that I’m learning as the world struggles with COVID, facing uncertainty and instability, is that if nothing else, this is a good time to implement and practice the BE-DO-HAVE mindset.
Instead of sitting with: “When I have my “normal” life back, I’ll get to do what I want to do and I’ll be happy again.”
We get to practice: “Right now, I get to BE slower and more present by DOing only the highest priority things because I have what I need.”
Who do you want to BE? What do you want to BE?
If you’re not sure how to answer those questions, don’t stress. They are REALLY hard questions. And, the answer is fluid and mutable. How you feel today, may not be how you feel tomorrow.
Mindfulness is about being where you are right now.
So, take some time, pour yourself a glass of wine or a cup of warm tea and sit with what feels good for you today. And what actions you want to take to enjoy this moment, to do what you want to do.
Take some control over what you can even in this crazy, unpredictable time.
And, know that I’m cheering you on and here to support you if you want to talk it out!
Playfully yours,
I’ve got your back!
Living during a pandemic has really shaken things up!
Because of COVID, life as you knew it has been turned upside down.
You’ve had a chance to experience life differently and you’ve noticed that your values and priorities have shifted. You’re getting clearer about what is working and what isn’t.
You’re ready to live a more authentic and aligned work-family balance, to connect more with your children, to create more joy and ease.
I can help.
