One of the biggest limiting beliefs I had around creating a daily self-care routine was that I had to carve out a huge chunk of time in my calendar to do it.
Going to a one-hour yoga class required at least 90 minutes because I had to change in and out of workout clothes, roll out my yoga mat (which usually meant moving some furniture aside), and selecting which of the hundreds of videos on youtube I wanted to do.
Doing an art project meant having to add in time for setting up and cleaning up, grabbing supplies and making sure I had enough space to work.
Taking a bubble bath, of course was going to take a lot more time. Because, who wants to get out of a nice warm bubble bath?!
There were so many other things that I “had” to do, who was I to carve out so much time in my day just for me. The people pleasers know what I’m talking about.
But, I work with kids. And, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that they don’t need much time to move from full-on tantrum to running joyfully down the street. All they need is the space to let the emotions flow through them.
After all, an emotion is simple energy in motion.
We all have 5 minutes a day
Science shows that our brain’s “default” state is neutral. This is where the brain wants to return to when we feel the lows as well as the highs. And, if we do nothing, if we let the emotions flow through us, your brain’s chemistry will naturally do this in 60-90 seconds.
It’s the thoughts we have about the emotions and the reasons behind why we feel them, and the labels/judgements we put on those thoughts, that allow the swirling tornado of emotions to continue to grow and spiral.
How does it feel to know that, in less than 2 minutes, you can return to a calmer, more neutral state so that you can navigate whatever challenge you are facing through a clearer lens?
Here are 5 of my go-to practices for getting out of the fight or flight response pattern so that you can feel more clear-headed, heart-centered, grounded.
1. Simply breathe; Breathe simply
Breathing is always available to you! While it’s an involuntary action most of the time, when we bring our awareness to our breath and consciously breath, it can help to improve oxygen flow, reduce heart rate and blood pressure… all of which signals your brain to rest and replenish.
Here’s a super simple breathing exercise. It’s called box breathing or 4-4-4-4 breathing:
1) Inhale for 4 counts
2) Hold your breath in for 4 counts
3) Exhale for 4 counts
4) Hold for 4 counts
5) Repeat 3-5 times (or more!).
Check out more quick breathing exercises that the whole family will enjoy here.
2. Tap it Out
Have you heard of tapping or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)? It’s like acupressure but with talking. It’s an amazing way to move the energy around while also providing physical touch so that you know you are safe in the present moment.
Here’s how to do it:
Take a deep breath and tap with two or three fingers on your body. While there are traditional points to tap along during an EFT session, this is all about you getting calm in the moment so let yourself experiment with different spots and how it feels. Some of my favorite points are:
- The side of head, by the temple
- Inner part of the eyebrow
- Collar bone
- Above the heart
- Fleshy part of the palm on the outer part (pinky-side) of the hand
3. Connect With Your Senses
A simple way to quiet the brain and be mindful in the moment is to give yourself permission to notice your surroundings.
You can do this exercise sitting, standing, or lying down. Inside or outside.
Here’s what to do:
1) Take 3-5 deep breaths in and out through your nose. You can keep your eyes open or closed, whichever feels more comfortable for you.
2) Gently open your eyes and name…
5 things you see
4 things you are touching
3 things you hear
2 things you smell, and
1 thing you taste.
3) Finish up by taking 3-5 more deep breaths!
Check out more ways to play with your senses to relieve stress.
4. Dance Break!
There is healing power in music! And, when it’s music you can dance to, you get the added benefits of stretching your body, supporting heart health as well as mental health. Aerobic exercise like dancing actually stimulates the hippocampus, the part of your brain that controls memory.
So, grab your favorite tune and dance like no one’s watching!
5. Hum it out
If you’ve ever been in a yoga class, you may have felt the soothing power of chanting “Ohm”. Humming is a way to self-soothe that has actually been found to create physical changes in the body. Studies have shown, for example, that humming stimulates the release of chemicals in the brain such as oxytocin, also known as the “love” hormone.
Humming induces calmness by creating vibration in your throat near the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is a key component of the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls “rest and digest” (the opposite of “fight or flight”).
So, take a deep breath in and let it out with a hum!
Or combine humming with dancing and kill two birds with one stone!
Why Counting to 10 isn’t one of my 5
I remember, as a kid, hearing about the “Count to 10” exercise as a tool for calming down. It turns out that there is actually scientific evidence that counting to 10 only works in certain situations.
Studies have shown that the tool is effective when a person feels that there is a consequence to their lashing out (such as retaliation from another party). This makes sense because, most people used this “Counting to 10” exercise to try to release anger.
Anger is a primal emotion, the fight of the “fight or flight” response. It did not relieve the anger, simply offered people more time to reflect on how to retaliate in a way that had fewer negative consequences for them.
I’ve written about how I used to yell loudly at my children. It was a pattern I learned growing up. Counting to 10 didn’t work for my father. And, it didn’t work for me. Now I understand why. My nervous system was too primed in those moments. Maybe it’ll work if I try it again. But, for now, it’s not one of my go-to tools.
What have been your experiences with Counting to 10? I’d love to hear them! Fill out the form below and let me know.
