We often take time in the new year to reflect on the past and plan for the future. This can be really stressful. Especially as working parents.
We might be tempted to scour the internet for the answers.
But when you trust yourself, you can relieve your own stress.
My early relationship with stress
My relationship with stress started way before I became a parent…
Way back, I started practicing yoga and mindfulness because I was a STRESS CASE!
But stress wasn’t just something I picked up in adulthood.
Early in my childhood, I learned that stressing about EVERYTHING helped me achieve success.
It was a way to feel more in control.
It was a coping mechanism.
And it worked for a while.
Stressing about school assignments led me to do well and become a top-tier student. Which led to getting advanced degrees and good jobs and a long-term relationship and children.
When I stressed, the adults in my life gave me attention, helped me navigate the situation. I felt supported, less alone.
All good things, right?
But then it took it’s toll.
On my About Me page on my website, I talk about how being a stress case affected my physical and mental health.
And, I first tried yoga because I wanted needed a change.
And, little by little, day-by-day, decade-by-decade, I stopped living in stress mode.
But, we can’t avoid stress entirely.
Finding balance means embracing the rollercoaster ride – the ups with the downs. Listening to when you have the energy to act and when you need to rest.
The funny thing is, this is a skill I have watched my oldest son cultivate since his first day of life.
My son was born as we rang in the New Year in 2008. (Well, others rang, I screamed a whole lot of curse words as the epidural wore off).
It took almost 4-hours of pushing to get convince him to come out. And, to this day, he likes to take his time. He observes, reflects on his options, and listens to his inner wisdom to guide him to making the best decision in the moment.
Even in his delivery.
Afterward he was born, I remember one of the nurses saying: “10 more minutes and the doctor was going to prep you for a c-section.”
Not ready until you’re ready.
Even in learning how to walk, speak French, and get curious about food, my son does not take action until he feels ready.
- He started walking at home weeks before he started walking at daycare because he figured out how to navigate our furniture before navigating the other waddling toddlers and crawling babies in his classroom.
- He spent almost 6 months in his French pre-school listening before he spoke to the teacher. But, when he did, it was in full, complete sentences.
- And, it was only in the last year, where he’s become more interested in being independent and “grown-up” that he’s become more adventurous in trying new combinations of food and learning how to cook.
As soon as he decides he’s ready, he dives right in and doesn’t second-guess himself.
And, when decisions don’t go as planned, even in his disappointment, he analyzes the situation and resiliently finds an alternative way forward.
What I’m learning from him and my mindfulness practice is this:
No one knows you better than you know yourself.
As I write this blog post, I’m about to turn 43 years old. That’s over 376,000 hours! (Holy shirt ball!). How many of those hours have I spent stressing? I don’t even want to guess.
Stressing about IT ALL!
- How to befriend my unruly curly hair.
- How to be the best parent, partner, daughter, sister, friend.
- How to run a business.
- How to do yoga headstand.
And, turning to “experts” for advice and for answers.
When, really, I should be tuning in.
Because, you know you better than anyone!
You’re going to make mistakes and, from those mistakes, you will learn and grow.
And make more mistakes. And learn more and grow more.
It’s not always comfortable or easy. In fact, some days, the frustration, pain, anger can be downright debilitating.
Trust yourself.
There’s always a way forward.
Even if you’ve been deeply wounded or experienced severe trauma, it’s possible to learn to trust yourself.
As I write this, we’re about to enter a new year, a new decade. Something I’m looking forward to practicing as we move forward: self-trust.
- To trust that I’m worthy, enough, have nothing to prove.
- That I’m the expert in me and how I show up in my life, my parenting, my business.
And that’s my wish for all of you: To trust in yourself.
Because, one thing I know is that others trust in you.
They show you every day that you are trust-worthy when they seek out your guidance, your support, your friendship and love.
It’s time to reflect some of that love and compassion back on yourself.
How would that feel?
Let me know! Send me an email and share your thoughts. I answer each one personally.
If you’re still looking to tap into your inner wisdom and trust yourself more, I invite you to ask yourself: What do I need to get started?
I believe in you! You’ve got this!
