As part of my partnership with other parenting bloggers, this is a contributed post. The views and opinions are based solely on the original author. I have read and approved it before publishing.
To be able to speak up for oneself is a talent, and developing that capacity might take a lot of time and effort for many young children. They need to have confidence in themselves and be aware of what they should say. However, introverted children may find it more difficult to ask for assistance, particularly if they are struggling with something.
The following are some suggestions for how you might encourage your reserved child to start speaking up for themselves:
Know Why Your Child Is Shy
There are many different types of shy children. It is much easier to know how to help your shy child if you know the reason why they are shy. Some children are reluctant to share their opinions because they are unsure of the outcomes that could result from doing so. Some people get nervous when they have to speak in front of others.
Some people simply require more adjustment time before they can become comfortable with new environments and people. Others are content to merely observe everything that goes on in silence. Once you know why they are shy you can help. For example, if they are worried about their calculator skills you can take steps to help improve this and make them feel more confident.
Try Not To Call Your Child “Shy”
The more kids hear that they are “shy,” the more they start to connect it to their identity and will continue to act like that. So, if your child doesn’t answer a relative’s question or ask the coach for help, try not to use the word “shy” to describe how your child is feeling. Try telling your child that it’s okay to “not be in the mood to talk right now.”
Tell Your Child To Be Heard
Children can engage in self-advocacy anywhere they have the opportunity to discuss what they have requirements. When you go out to eat or to the store, it’s a good idea to allow your child to place their order or answer the clerk’s inquiries. You might also have your kid make a list of questions for the adult in charge of a youth organization.
Children may require assistance from their parents. But if you wait a moment before responding, your kid has time to work out what they want to say and how they want to say it on their own. Additionally, it demonstrates that you have confidence in your offspring.
Talk About How Self-Advocacy Has Helped You In The Past
Kids may need to be reminded to speak up for themselves before they are ready to do so. You might need to show that self-advocacy really can make a difference.
Tell stories about times when you stood up for yourself even though you were shy or worried. For example, “I didn’t want to tell my boss that I needed more time to learn the new software because I felt shy. But he wasn’t bothered by it. He liked that I was serious about it. Now, after we learn how to use new programs, he checks in with me to see if I need more time to practice.
Ask Your Child What They Think
Children who have difficulty expressing themselves may form the misconception that what they have to say is irrelevant. Ask your kid what they think, and then include them in the decision-making process. For instance, your kid may advise you on what to have for supper or what color to paint the kitchen. They could also help you select what to do with their allowance money.
Children have the desire to know that their parents pay attention to what they have to say and take what they have to say seriously. You can teach this to your children by first explaining it to them and then demonstrating how it is done. Your child will learn the value of speaking up as a result of this.
Practice And Act Out The Parts
Some shy kids know what they should ask for, but they don’t know how to ask for it. Go over some examples with your child. You can even help your child come up with a script for what to say when they need to speak up. For example: “Mrs Smith, can I talk to you after class?” or “I need a little more time to finish this task.”
Work Behind The Scenes With Your Child’s Teachers
Talk to your child’s teachers about what you’ll do to help them speak up for themselves. So, you can all be on the same page and acknowledge your child’s efforts, no matter how small. Your child’s teacher or guidance counselor might even be able to teach the whole class how to deal with shyness and how to speak up.
At School, Start Small
Shy kids often need to get used to people before they can speak up for themselves. Is there a teacher or other adult at school your child feels most at ease with? Find out who this trusted ally is. Then talk to your child’s teachers about making that person the go-to person for questions or help. This level of comfort can help your child start to speak up for himself or herself.
Help Your Child Set Goals For Self-Advocacy At School
Your child will do better in school if they know how to speak up for themselves. It takes practice, just like any other skill that shy kids find hard. Talk to your child about it, and then include your trusted ally. This will help make sure your child has the help he or she needs when the time comes to speak up.
Celebrate Small Successes
Celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. For shy kids, it can be hard to do things like raise their hand in class or answer a question. Your child will continue to take risks and speak up if you keep encouraging him or her.
Before you go… here’s a note from me (Marisa).
Shyness As An Innate Strength
A human design reading can help you uncover who your child is meant to be – their innate strengths and talents – and how they’re meant to make decisions. Is shyness part of your child’s inner wisdom? Book a reading with me and let’s find out!
