As part of my partnership with other parenting bloggers, this is a collaborative post. Together with the original author, we’ve combined ideas and views to offer you quality content about the highs and lows of life with kids and how to take care of yourself so you have more energy to take care of them. This post may contain affiliate links.
Note from Marisa: This article is near and dear to my heart. I’ve been open on this blog over the years about my own battles with mental health and the daily practices I use to support my journey. Your well-being matters. If you are stuggling, know that you are not alone and that it’s okay to ask for help.
As a parent, it often feels like your health comes second. For a lot of parents, that’s perfectly fine. You want to focus on your children and what they need more than anything else; if you’re not feeling too well, you’ll sort that out later.
However, there may come a time in your life as a parent when your mental health takes a nosedive. It happens to a lot more people than you may think, and the shock of a time like this really doesn’t help at all.
After all, you feel like you’re going to disappoint your kids, and not be there for them in the way they need. It’s only natural for thoughts like that to make you feel worse.
But at a time like this, you need to focus on building up your confidence and working towards a healthy solution for both you and your family. It can be very complicated, and it’s going to get messy at times, but it’s worth it for the happiness it’ll bring you and your kids in the end.
As such, here are some tips and tricks that’ll help you be the best parent you can be while trying to stay mentally healthy. A problem like this doesn’t have to stick around forever.
Don’t Feel You Have to Hide the Problem
Kids know when we’re hiding things from them. We tend to act differently, speak differently, and just seem a bit like someone else. If you feel the need to hide the way you’re feeling and the fact that you’re struggling, your kids are going to pick up on it.
Of course, you’re only doing this to protect them. You don’t want them to grow up too soon and take on the problems of grown ups. But if you end up turning away from your children, which can happen all the time in cases like this, it’s going to make them even more unhappy.
Kids are allowed to know that life can be sour sometimes. This could also be a good way to introduce the concept of mental health and what can affect it.
Understand What You Need
What are you going through right now? Understanding the trigger of the problem and the core of what’s affecting you is key to deciding what to do next. You’re going to need some time and a bit of private space to work this out, so don’t feel bad if it’s been a few weeks and you’re no closer to the solution. Even parents are allowed to be confused and without all the answers!
You could also work with a counsellor here to decide what you need from here on out. If you’re interested in a program like addiction treatment, but you’re not sure what impact that’d have on the kids, this is your chance to talk things through and weigh up the pros and cons. Weighing up both sides before issuing a blanket ‘no’ will do both you and your family a real service.
Block Out Unsolicited Advice
There’s a lot of unsolicited parenting advice out there – and a lot of it comes from people who don’t have their own kids. Similarly, a lot of it comes from parents with an air of superiority, who believe their way is the best way. But let us tell you now, there’s no such thing as one way to parent!
So anytime you get some unsolicited advice, block it out. You don’t have to pay attention, and you don’t have to follow it. When you want to focus on both raising your children and maintaining a good sense of mental health, you need to cut out the background noise.
Focus on your family and working with professionals who you’ve specifically gone to for advice and support.
Be as Honest as You Can
If the kids end up asking what’s bothering you, or they say something about the way you’ve been lately, it can feel like a stab in the heart. You didn’t want them to notice that something was wrong and you did your best to put on a happy face! The guilt that can arise from a simple question or statement like this can make your mental health all the more slippery.
That’s why honesty is so crucial. Talking to your children about something ‘real’ sounds very scary, but it can help to bridge the gap between you that you might not have even noticed was forming.
Kids like getting involved when their parents aren’t feeling well, and don’t like feeling ‘locked out’ of big family decisions. Share what you want and let them make their own thoughts known in a safe and private space.
Go to Family Therapy
Family therapy is good for letting both you and the kids be heard. You walk into the room as a family and leave as one too – everyone gets to have their say and you’ve got a therapeutic soundboard on the other side.
This is good for many reasons. Not only can your communication be bolstered and supported, but you get the chance to take a calm moment with each other. For many parents with a mental health issue, this is invaluable for coming up with an action plan. Both you and the kids get the chance to understand.
Look into Childcare Options
Whether you’re a single parent or not, and whether or not you can drop the kids off at their grandparents for the day, you should look into short-term childcare options. Having someone else take the load off for a little bit, allowing you to take time to focus on your mental health, could make this transitional period a lot easier on everyone.
Of course, if you don’t have much of a support network, finding a babysitter or a nearby daycare is going to be tricky. There are quite a few babysitting network apps you can use, or you can put a job notice and vet candidates one by one.
Don’t feel you have to rush into finding childcare, but give it some consideration if being both a parent and a human being is becoming overwhelming.
Remember, There is No Such Thing as a Perfect Parent
There really isn’t! The idea that you need to be one is only going to be harmful in the end. Giving up on the dream will take time and effort, but being the best parent you can be is the only thing you have to aspire to.
And the kids will let you know just how much they appreciate what you do for them! Look to them when you feel you’re letting them down; if they feel happy and safe, you’re doing a great job. No life is ever going to be cookie-cutter perfect, and when you have a mental health issue you want to smooth out, the best work you can do is on yourself.
And a Quick Note to Finish:
Parental mental health is important. You need to be able to look after yourself in order to give your children the life they deserve. If things have got to a point where you feel you can’t cope any longer, don’t trick yourself into thinking you’ve failed!
Your mental health matters, and it’s OK to reach out for a solution. The kids aren’t going to hate you, the authorities aren’t going to think you’re a bad parent, and you should try not to beat yourself up about what you need right now.
