I was talking to a client the other day and she was saying that she is feeling pulled to “just BE right now. Not to DO.”
And, it reminded me of this conversation I had about a year ago when I was in Corvallis, Oregon for Jenny Shih’s Make It Work Online Live Retreat.
The conversation was about a typical mindset that most of us were raised to follow.
The HAVE-DO-BE mindset.
When you have the HAVE-DO-BE mindset, you’re thought process may go like this:
“When I HAVE __________ (fill in the blank with what you’re looking for. For example: “enough money” or “a partner and kids and the house with a picket fence”, or some material thing, etc)
“I’ll get to do what I want to DO (take a long vacation or buy a boat or volunteer at a food bank)
“and then I’ll BE _________ (how you want to feel. For example, “happy” or “successful”, etc)
But that mindset puts us in a waiting spiral. And, we show up in the world with an energy of lack, of need, of fear that you’ll never get to BE because you’ll never HAVE that first thing.
And, if you do get to achieve the feeling your were striving for, you end up back at square one with a new HAVE you want to acquire so you can keep feeling happy or successful or whatever.
Last year, when we were having this conversation, at a brewery over fish tacos and gluten-free beer, we were talking about how much more expansive and rewarding life feels when this mindset is flipped.
You get to start with BEING happy. Then DOING the things that bring you joy so that you can feel like you HAVE everything you need.
Changing your mindset isn’t as easy as flipping a light switch on or off.
It’s more like dimmer switch – sometimes, you can sit in the brightness of the new thought pattern, sometimes the old habits creep in, and often times, you’re somewhere in the middle.
But, the more you practice, the easier it is to show up on the lighter side – the BE-DO-HAVE side – of the spectrum.
One of the things that I’m learning as the world struggles with COVID, facing uncertainty and instability, is that if nothing else, this is a good time to implement and practice the BE-DO-HAVE mindset.
Instead of sitting with: “When I have my “normal” life back, I’ll get to do what I want to do and I’ll be happy again.”
We get to practice: “I get to BE slower, more present, and DO the things I want to do because I have what I need right now.”
Who do you want to BE? What do you want to BE?
If you’re not sure how to answer those questions, don’t stress. They are REALLY hard questions. And, the answer is fluid and mutable. How you feel today, may not be how you feel tomorrow.
And, that’s actually the point. Because this mindset is all about being present and mindful in the NOW.
So, take some time, pour yourself a glass of wine or a cup of warm tea and sit with what feels good for you today. And what actions you want to take to enjoy this moment, to do what you want to do.
Take some control over what you can even in this crazy, unpredictable time.
And, know that I’m cheering you on and here to support you if you want to talk it out!
the boundaries of work and home are being blurred
Because of COVID, life as you knew it has been turned upside down.
You’re spending more time with your family, connecting more with friends, and completing projects that have been on your to-do list for a long time.
But, you’re also trying to balance so many things that it’s overwhelming, exhausting, frustrating.
You’re ready to find a happy medium. To connect with what’s important so you can live the life you and your family want.
I can help.