What my son taught me about trust
We often take time in the new year to reflect on the past and plan for the future. This can be really stressful. Especially as working parents.
We might be tempted to scour the internet for the answers.
But when you trust yourself, you can relieve your own stress.
My relationship with stress started way before I became a parent…
Way back when – before kids; before building them into my business – I started practicing yoga and mindfulness because I was a STRESS CASE!
Early in my childhood, I learned that stressing about EVERYTHING help me achieve success and was a way to feel more in control.
It was a coping mechanism.
And it worked for a while.
Stressing about school assignments led me to do well and become a top-tier student.
Which led to getting advanced degrees and good jobs and a long-term relationship and children.
All good things, right?
But then it took it’s toll.
On my About Me page on my website, I talk about how being a stress case affected my physical and mental health.
And, I first tried yoga because I
wanted needed a change.
And, little by little, day-by-day, decade-by-decade, I stopped living in stress mode.
But, we can’t avoid stress entirely. And, finding that balance means embracing the rollercoaster ride and listening to when you have the energy to act and when you need to rest.
The funny thing is, this is a skill I have watched my oldest son, Owen, cultivate since his first day of life.
Owen, who turned 12 as we rang in the New Year, takes his time, observes, reflects on his options, and listens to his inner wisdom to guide him to making the best decision in the moment.
Even in his delivery.
I pushed for almost 4 hours. Afterwards, I remember one of the nurses saying: “10 more minutes and the doctor was going to prep you for a c-section.”
But, Owen wasn’t ready until he was ready.
Even in learning how to walk, speak French, and get curious about food.
- Owen started walking at home weeks before he started walking at daycare because he figured out how to navigate our furniture before navigating the other waddling toddlers and crawling babies in his classroom.
- He spent almost 6 months in his French pre-school listening before he spoke to the teacher. But, when he did, it was in full, complete sentences.
- And, it was only in the last year, where he’s become more interested in being independent and “grown-up” that he’s become more adventurous in trying new combinations of food and learning how to cook.
As soon as Owen decides he’s ready, he dives right in and doesn’t second-guess himself.
And, when decisions don’t go as planned, even in his disappointment, he analyzes the situation and resiliently finds an alternative way forward.
What I’m learning from Owen and my mindfulness practice is this:
No one knows you better than you know yourself.
I turn 43 years old this year. That’s over 376,000 hours! (Holy shirt ball!). How many of those hours have I spent stressing? I don’t even want to guess.
Stressing about IT ALL!
- How to style my hair.
- How to be the best parent, partner, daughter, sister, friend.
- How to run a business.
- How to do yoga headstand.
And, turning to “experts” for advice and for answers.
When, really, I should be tuning in.
Because, you know you better than anyone!
You’re going to make mistakes and, from those mistakes, you will learn and grow.
And make more mistakes. And learn more and grow more.
It’s not always comfortable or easy. In fact, some days, the frustration, pain, anger can be downright debilitating.
But, there’s always a way forward.
Even if you’ve been deeply wounded or experienced severe trauma.
You can learn to trust yourself.
And, as we enter a new year, a new decade, that’s something I’m looking forward to practicing more: trust.
To trust that I’m worthy, enough, have nothing to prove – to anyone else.
That I’m the expert in me and how I show up in my life, my parenting, my business.
And that’s my wish for all of you.
To trust in yourself. Because others trust in you.
They show you every day that you are trust-worthy. In asking for your guidance, your support, your love.
Do you trust yourself a lot? What words of wisdom can you share?
Still looking to tap into your inner wisdom and trust yourself more? What will it take to get started?
Can I help you?
I believe in you! You’ve got this!